Motivation: Death

Today we got word that a fellow worker passed away last night due to a heart attack. He and his family had left years ago, but my husband has been in contact with him throughout the years, and had just talked to him last week.

Yesterday he and his wife had packed up a moving van and today they were headed out to a new state, a new job, a new life. What does his wife do now? Where does she go? How does she start life over again?

How does one deal with the death of a loved one? What would happen in our case, if either of us were to die? I’m almost more in a quandary of what would happen if I were to die. Death is tragic, and those left behind have to pick up the pieces, continue on, learn to cover the bases that the one who moved on was covering. Children have to adjust to living under the rule of one grieving parent, their world shaken and life as they knew it, stability and routine, abruptly interrupted.  Spouses must be under tremendous stress to continue on, be a source of strength for the children, and, if they weren’t the primary bread winner, jump into the professional world overnight.

Can you imagine going to bed, saying, “today begins a new chapter of our lives,” filled with excitement and anticipation of something new, something great and thrilling, only to awaken to a whole new chapter, one never anticipated, one that very much resembles a nightmare, only worse, because it’s one where you cannot wake up? There’s no “do over”, no rewinding the tape, no wishes to restore life as it was.

What would I do if I knew my days were numbered (well, they are, but what if the number was down to double digits?), what would I do differently? Today I called for a doctor’s appointment to see my cardiologist. I also want to improve my eating and exercising habits, knowing that those will go a long way to helping my cholesterol. Unfortunately the desire to make changes won’t last – yet I want it to. I want to make permanent changes in my life, yet my determination fades over time. I wish it wouldn’t, but how do I make it last? What is  my motivation to eat healthy, to exercise? Is knowing that I'm risking death enough to get me motivated?