Friends

Recently I had three conversations with three different women in my life, in which they all mentioned, “I talked too much.” I’ve been hearing that a lot lately, more and more frequently. Very different from several years ago, when I never heard anyone say that. So have I become a listener?

The first is quickly becoming a good friend, which I need. Slowly but surely my friends are leaving, moving back to their countries of origin, leaving me looking for new camaraderie. She and I were at Starbucks, (yes, I finally broke down and entered the Starbucks down the block from my house!) enjoying a cup of coffee together. When she apologized at the end for dominating the conversation and then followed it up with an email, I became perplexed. Reflecting on our time together, I cannot honestly say that she talked more than I did, or if she did, it didn’t bother me nor did it seem obvious. We were just two friends out sharing about our lives, ministries, frustrations, hopes for the future. Both of us are in uncertain times, and I hope that we have more time together than we expect. I am very thankful that God has brought her in my life!

Another friend called me from the US and shared her frustrations over what she is going through right now. Overly exhausted from current ministry, she is on a well deserved break, but knows that in a week, she’s back in the thick of it, which will carry her until close to Christmas. Her future is unsure, and she and her husband are awaiting news that they expected to hear a month ago. I could hear her pain in her voice, the anxiety that her heart carries around. I was glad to be an ear for her. When she wrote me the next day, apologizing for being so negative and talking too much, I quickly wrote her back, assuring her that she wasn’t over talkative, that she needed to vent and that I will be praying for her. Sometimes we all just need to get something off our chests.

My third friend is chatty by nature. She is the life of the party, very bubbly, and the very person needed to make sure that the conversation continues. We were in such a situation, and I was more than thankful that she was with me. Where I would’ve run out of conversation in ten minutes, she kept it going for the duration of our time together, and I didn’t have to strain to think of things to talk about, questions to ask. She knows she is chatty, and doesn’t make any apologies about it. Not only does she entertain us with stories from her own life, she also asks questions, includes people in the conversation who are naturally timid, shy, quiet. I enjoy spending time with her, and always reflect back on our times together as joyous.

Other friends are talkers as well; one in particular talks almost non-stop when we are together, sharing stories about how so-and-so poured out her life story to her, and I wonder, how? How, when she is such a chatty person herself, does anyone else have time to get in a word? I spend time with her because she wants to, not necessarily because I desire to. Another friend is not only a good talker, but a good listener and we talk to our hearts’ content, then pray together. She and I share some common situations and can identify with one another.

In each situation, I fall into different rolls, share different levels of who I am, express different parts of me. And when I need to vent, express joy, or just verbally vomit, I call a particular friend, who listens, empathizes, prays for me, offers advice, lifts me up, stands by me. She is the one that comes to mind when I read the verses in Proverbs about a true friend (17:17, 18:24, 27:9). And she is the one to whom I find myself saying, “Sorry I dominated our conversation.” Her response is always to reassure me that it is an honor to listen to me. An honor, wow.