The Decision Is Finally Made!

Has there ever been something that you never tire of, no matter how long you are exposed to it? Our view is the one thing in life that I never tire of. Pike’s Peak with Garden of the Gods in the foreground. Not many people have the spectacular view we have. Every situation, whether it be sunny days, foggy mornings, dense clouds, snow, rain, wind, whatever, the view is at once the same and not the same, offering a new perspective on the familiar view.

And now my days of viewing are numbered – 26, to be exact. Twenty-six days in which to enjoy some stolen moments out on the porch, taking as many pictures as possible. I’ll also be robbing my neighbor of her time, as I will miss her tremendously. In this day and age, to form a friendship with your next door neighbor as I have had the privilege to do, is a God-thing. I will miss our conversations and times together.

But we are officially BA bound again, and that is good news. The decision wasn’t as easily made as we had thought originally. It wasn’t just a matter of determining that if they asked us to come, that we would go. We had to make the decision to go because we wanted to go. And we do want to go, we want to continue down this path God has led us down, and continue to dream about our future with Him by our side.

My biggest fear going into this move is the expectations or perceived expectations of a pastor’s wife. I’m not traditional in any sense of the word, and fortunately they aren’t expecting me to be, nor do they expect me to be an unpaid worker in the church. They have expressed a desire for me to be involved in whatever and how-much-ever I want to. If I want to work outside the home, then I have their blessings.

My other fear is falling back into unhealthy patterns in my relationship with my husband. We are a lot stronger and healthier since returning to the States, and some of that I attribute to not being in vocational ministry. But if the growth that we have made is permanent, it will withstand living overseas. It wasn’t as much living overseas as much as (going back to my previous fear) having expectations fall on me, my meeting them out of obligation and not out of joy, and my husband feeling like he was dragging me into this. Neither one of us had joy in ministry for most of our eight years – we had joy in friendships, relationships, the country, living in BA, etc. Just not in ministry, our primary reason for being there!

So, this is the beginning of good-byes, to friends and coworkers; good-bye to my favorite view in all the world; saying good-bye to dry climate and no allergies, relaxed lifestyle and very friendly people, and saying good-bye for a while to most of our earthly possessions as we pack them up and ship them off to meet us on the other side. It’s also a time of saying hello once again to upheaval, packing, difficult choices of what to take and what not to take, and how to hide what we’re not taking from little eyes and fingers. Saying hello to intimate friends who have walked down these paths with us for our two-year hiatus; and saying hello to a place that has claimed our hearts. Add up all the things we don’t like about BA, and they are barely a drop in the bucket of everything that calls us back. I can live with allergies, with city life, snobby people, high prices on imported goods, poop on the sidewalks, and everything else, if I can finally have a good cortado at a sidewalk café with a good friend. And she’s waiting for me, keeping the coffee hot!